Listening and Personalities Differences

I am a fan of DISC personality assessment results although not necessarily the 34 pages of result information you get back -I like it simple and to the point .  As a trained CTI coach, we listen to our clients at various levels. Not just words but emotions, body language, what's not being said, etc. So this whole process is easier for me but is not for most people.  Each of us has a different style of communicating, processing information, temperament, etc. Here are a few clues on what to listen for when  communicating with a particular personality type (DISC)

High Dominant  (results)                High InFluencer (creative ideas)     High Steady (process)
 - next steps                                 - emotions                                       - how to serve others
 - power                                        - what's popular                             - how to please others
 - competency                               - opportunities for fun                      - other's ideas are important first

High Compliance (facts)
 - details
 - logic
 -research

What do you notice about the different styles?  What's important to understand here?  Which of these do you relate to?  Setting intentions before you go into a meeting will be helpful so the boss hears you and you hear him/her.  You may have to set some boundaries on how you will BE when you meet, especially if you are an opposite to the boss' personality. Keep your eyes and ears open to figure out who people are in your circle of influence whether that's work, home, play.  Read some books on personality differences, take a personality assessment and be observant and possibly write down in a journal what you are discovering about this.  Could open up a new world for you where you understand others a bit better, become a better listener and communicator.

Engaging People to Communicate

My passion shows up when I am working with a group of mid-level managers,helping them get better at communicating with each other and learning to be more communicative to the people they supervise. I always start out with a fun, simple exercise "getting to know you" where people share something about themselves. Then it's important to create a safe space.where they feel comfortable enough to talk about what really matters. All voices are important and need to be heard, without judgment.  Talking about the good, the bad and the ugly is very important as when you clear the air of what's really going on, you have the opportunity of moving forward. One way of doing this is asking everyone to share what's each person is good at and what each person could be better at.

Because safety is created and everyone agrees to no judging and no repercussions, typically they will share with honesty. From this, new ways of Being with each other has the possibility of changing behaviors - step by step.  Committing to action and accountability has to occur as well so everyone gets to voice what has to happen going forward and share what they commit to.  When someone requests that others call them on behavior that doesn't serve them is a huge first step to changing behavior. This is easy for some people and very hard for others.  If you can take baby steps to more open dialog, trust and respect will return.

Trust, Respect and Credibility have to be present in leading people. If any one is missing, there will be a negative impact on the team. Trust, Respect and Credibililty shows up more often when communication is clear and transparent and there is a willingness to accept that on one is perfect, mistakes get made but we move on.  Also, never forget the importance of showing appreciation to others - we don't do this enough in our society and it simplly makes people feel really good about themselves.

Managing Change as a Leader

Please check out the attached article I authored and edited by my associate, Becky Walzak. The focus is on the importance of leaders understanding their style of leading through change and understanding how others handle change. We are all very different and we handle change through our own filters. Knowledge is power so the more we understand how people are, the more successful we will become with leading others. This article is published in the Sept. issue of Progress in Lending magazine.

http://www.progressinlending.com/TME913/TME913LeadershipFeature.pdf

We Teach People How To Treat Us

Ever get frustrated with how people respond to you, react to you or how they treat you?  Well, over time we teach people how to treat us. If we allow someone to intimiate us, discount what we say, interrupt us, ignore us, shut us down, etc. we have allowed that behavior to show up. If someone continues these annoying/frustrating behaviors, we are doing ourselves a huge disservice by not standing up for yourself and decide that "I need to react differently; respond differently; create a boundary around how I need to BE; or set an intention of who I need to BE when we meet or when we have these types of conversations."

I bring this up constantly to indiviudals and teams I work with who are frustrated with how some people speak to them.  One type of response that is very effective is starting a sentence with "I feel __________ when you say that. " Keep it simple and to the point and then let them respond.  If you don't make them wrong; they don't feel they have to defend themselves and you probably will change the dynamics between the two of you. Try it and see what happens.

It might be helpful to put the words "we teach others how to treat us" on paper and display at your desk; carry with you in your purse or wallet and get in the habit of remembering it and reviewing periodically.

Business and Personal Relationships Can't Be Mixed

How good are you at being able to separate friendships from business decisions?  This shows up a lot in life and I hear about it from friends, witness it in business relationships and learned to be really good at keeping them separate.

If you blend the two, a good exercise is to get really clear on what's expected in the business roles of each person.  Example: "when difficult decisions need to be made, we need to ______ (this has to be something that both parties agree to)." Having regular conversations about anything important is key to the success of combining friendship and business relationship. Transparency is really, really important in the conversations.

If you struggle with trying to decide whether to do business with a friend, it's important to step back and examine if this is a good idea before you enter into a dialog or agreement.  I have some friends who hired a realtor friend to market their high-end home. The realtor's market is in a lower valued price point but they llike her, didn't want to hurt her feelings so they hired her.  They are struggling a bit in finding buyers in their market.  If they did it over again, they admit, they wouldn't have used her.  You have to be able to make smart decisions sometimes and think about the conversation you need to have about what you need to do to be successful.  You can always tell the person that this is not personal, that you like and respect them but for the sake of trying to get a transaction done, you feel like you have to use this other company/person because their reputation is they know how to market the area, are known for successes in getting homes sold quickly.
It's all about conversation, being honest, respectful and using tact when you speak. Allowing the other person to give their comments is important and can't be discounted but you also need to set some boundaries around what you have to do and stay committed to your plan if you feel it's the best avenue to take.

It takes guts, practice and thought to keep the two separate.  For the sake of the friendship especially, you have to be good at speaking your truth. Sometimes you may lose a friend over the situation but if the person is a true friend, they too will step back and possibly understand why you are doing what you do.  In the case of the realtor, an option could have been going with a different realtor but sharing with the friend/realtor that you recommend her to your friends and associates as you know she knows her market. And, more importantly that you value your friendship and have always made it a practice to keep the two relationships separate.

January 2014 - Mortgage Industry

Most recent article co-authored by Becky Walzak and me in August issue of Progress in Lending.  The article is all about the CFPB influencing the mortgage industry in January 2014.

http://www.progressinlending.com/TME813/TME813DoomsdayStory.pdf

Work Environment: It’s More Than Just the Furniture

Fan of Daniel Pink - great article and video. Work Environment: It’s More Than Just the Furniture