Dealing with Conflict

Great book - "Crucial Confrontations" by several authors including Kerry Patterson.  The focus of the book is on tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations and bad behavior. I recommend this book for managers to read. Here is what I gleaned from the book to share:
- If there is a confrontation, a face to face meeting/discussion is imperative.  When this is handled well, the problem gets resolved and the relationship can get back on track.  Most people just don't do this and either walk away and hold the anger and resentment.
- A good practice to step back and think about what you are going to say about anything so you become the master of your stories.  Practice working on your conversation/story, your feelings and thoughts.
- When there is enough safety, you can talk to almost anyone about almost anything including unexpected situations that show up. It's that stepping back, breathing and thinking about what you are going to say before you speak.
- If you feel the other person is going to be offended or defensive to what you are going to say, before you say anything else, prepare the conversation by explaining what you don't and do mean" At the end of the conversation, ask a question around what they heard.
- When the other person isn't motivated, it our job to be motivating.  Talk about the natural consequences.  When someone wants to know, explain what needs to be done and why. Try to find consequences that matter to the other person. Finish the conversation by determining who is going to be doing what and when.
- When there is ability issues, talk about turning around impossible tasks to possible making it easy. Together explore causes of problem and empower others by allowing them to be part of the solution. Ask them for their ideas.  If they can't find solutions, work on them together including your view. When you find a solution, ask if they do what's required?
- We must stay focused and flexible.  If fear shows up, we have to make a safe space and breaking down
 the fear, what it means, what is the worst thing that can happen, etc.
- Once a plan has been created, we have to agree on an action and follow-up.  If you don't do this, you have wasted time and plans fall through the cracks.  To end well, create a plan that spells out who is doing what and when and making sure everyone is clear on what needs to be done. Ask for any questions.  Depending on the skill level of the person you are in dialog with, their history with your company will tell you how often you will need to follow up.  And most importantly, FOLLOW UP.

The book talks about 12 "Yeah Buts" scenarios that are a must read.