The Empty Pickle Jar

Happy New Year.  I have conducted this experiment in front of people. It's a great exercise to think about and revisit periodically. The Empty Pickle Jar

Example of Coaching

Watched the movie "The Kings Speech" again yesterday. I love that movie which is so well acted by Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush. It reminded me of coaching and what I do for a living. Some of my clients are senior leaders in their companies or organizations and they need a safe space to work on change. Good coaching allows the space for coachees to be free and open in their feelings and thoughts without judging or feeling they have to BE someone they are not. Building trust is very important in this relationship. Being in a royal family, in line for the throne and having absolutely no self-confidence must have been so hard to carry around in his being. This commoner came into his life and changd his life, helping him with his stuttering and his self-confidence.

It's hard work at the top for many leaders without having someone around to bounce ideas off of if there is a problem that needs to be resolved by the leader before he/she takes it to the leadership team for implementation. We coaches have our clients "backs".  We push them, hold them accountable but more importantly get really curious to why certain things are important or show up in the everyday busyness of business. I like to ask lots of questions and get different perspectives if it's appropriate.  Being trained to really listen to what is being said and not said is crucial for successful change to be thought of and implemented.

I am grateful for being able to create long-lasting relationships with former and exisiting clients. Getting to know someone who is open to being vulnerable and  willing to roll up their sleeves and work on the good, the bad and the ugly is very gratifying. Especially when I notice the changes occurring which makes the leader a better person which in turn is passed throughout the company.

Watching the relationship evolve between the king and his speech coach was very moving. They built a trusting and close relationship for the rest of their lives. If you haven't seen the movie, you like history and well acted movies (best picture) see it.

The Goodness of People

What I noticed about people in our society is that when tragedy strikes, people step forward to help.  This showed up after Hurricane Sandy disrupted life in NJ and NY and now after the sweet, innocent children and school faculty were mowed down by the mentally unstable young man this past Friday in Newtown, CT.

There is only one funeral home in the community of Newtown, CT. Funeral directors from other cities in CT and NY came forward to help in the massive undertaking of preparing for the burial of the victims. They like many before them, didn't hesitate in offering their services without expecting anything in return.  I say this is part of human nature. Compassion, kindness, giving back is really what we are about as humans and it's what gives us the most satisfaction for living a fulfilling life.

Heroes stories get recognized and heard through the media. I think it became more prevalent after September 11th. There will always be troubled people in our society; mother nature recking havoc and unforeseen challenges we have to deal with. But there will always be special people and more and more of them stepping forward to help where they can.  Thank you, you are appreciated and I am glad and proud to be an American.

Smart People Get Caught Up in Emotions Too

I have been reading some articles on the General Petraeus and Paula Broadwell and the embarrassment  and humiliation they are currently dealing with. While this is not an uncommon relationship it is more pronounced because of his position in the CIA and as a high ranking general. This is one of many we have read about over the course of time. Eventually they will be out of the news and hopefully heal some wounds that were created and move on.

What I want to talk about here is the perception by some that highly educated people are perceived as not allowing their emotions get the best of them. I don't care where you went to school, how many degress you earned or what position you hold in our society, we are all humans.  Emotions are in our DNA, from the very high levels of Bliss, Happiness, Love to the very low of Hopelessness and Despair. Sometimes events happen, opportunities are ripe to appear and people are caught at just the right moment to act on an emotion that maybe they typically could not dwell in but it happens. Call it vulnerability possibly but it happens more than most people know. When you are caught up in it, you tend to forget everything else around you including people who could get hurt. I believe there is deeper meaning behind what actually is happening that hopefully can be reflected on through personal work or reaching out for help from outside parties such as a coach or therapist.  Something has been going on inside the person(s) for awhile and an opportunity shows up that gets acted on. Dealing with the repercussions will define personal character and future happiness.  Lessons will be learned, good and bad and life goes on. Many times things turn out as they should on our many paths and chapters in our lives.

God has a plan for all of us and many times it deviates off a normal path. It is how we handle ourselves going forward that counts the most. Taking responsibility, acknowledging weakness, failure, hard lessons but also knowing we are learning about ourselves in the process is what is most important.

Are you Sleeping?

I conducted a workshop this week on the importance of Sleep; part of my focus on corporate wellness programs. Many people tend to discount the importance of having a good nights sleep. Good or bad, it impacts your body and your mind. Some experts say a "good nights sleep" should be eight hours a day. Other experts say it depends on the individual and how they feel when they get up....are you tired? Some people only need five hours while others need closer to nine hours.  I need six and one-half hours and once in awhile a power nap of 15 to 20 minutes during the day.

We process through five stages of sleep during the night on average of four times (90-minutes each). During sleep, our body is recycling our thoughts from when we are awake, rejuvenating itself, priming the immune system and restoring our physical body.  Our body also has an inner alarm clock that awakens us when we have to go to the bathroom, when we hear noises, when we hear a child cry or when we need to pull up the covers.

Some signs you may need more sleep include difficulty waking up in the mornings; inability to concentrate; falling asleep during work hours; feelings of moodiness, irritabilty or anxiety; impaired memory; simple tasks may prove more difficult to complete and increased difficulties interacting and cooperating with others.

Some things you can do to help you fall asleep are winding down the evening and preparing for bed as a relaxing experience.  Keep your bedroom free of clutter; don't use it as a workspace unless it's necessary and if it is, keep your work area neat. It helps to have your room painted in soft muted colors - stay away from bright colors such as red or orange. You want to have a calm space. Take a hot bath or shower; do some stretching exercises or give yourself a foot massage. Read a dull book and if you have to watch TV, watch something funny or light - not a drama or wild adventure. Breathe: take full, deep belly breaths to the slow count of 4.  Hold your breath to the count of 7 and exhale to the count of 8 (out of your mouth).  Do this four times and then breathe normally again. Practicing this technique a few nights in a row will help you include this in your nightly routine. You might consider putting on some quiet music.

To help maintain more energy during they day you can incorporate these ideas:

• Go go bed and get up at the same time every day (even on weekends if you can)
• Get to know your peak energy times and plan your projects and work around these in order to be most productive.
• Take breaks, regularly - walk around and stretch
• Practice deep breathing
• Decrease your intake of caffeine, soda and sugar throughout your day: find healthier substitutes
• Move physically several times throughout your day. If you have a desk job, walk around the office or go outside during your breaks or at the very least, standup and stretch (preferably at least once an hour). Our bodies were not created to sit in a chair all day.
• Decorate your work space with photos, pictures of places you want to visit or have visited; affirmations, fun things to keep you motivated when you start feeling stressed.
• Eat at regular intervals throughout your day and don't eat your lunch at your desk.  Choose healthy food. Don't skip lunch, your body will appreciate this.

You will notice a remarkable boost to your energy levels if you practice these tips. Good sleep patterns will help you feel and look younger and your body will thank you. 

The Power of Giving Back

I was reading in People magazine about the unsung heroes of the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy in NJ and NY.  Some people from outside the area packed up their cars, vans, food trucks, and the like and drove to NJ or Staten Island and set up food stations, places for people to get a hot meal.  How they felt afterwards was rich in satisfaction and feeling of pride in making a difference. This can be life-changing, taking away a focus from self-gratification and ego to maybe understanding the higher purpose we all have access to. Too many people drift through life, day after day just mentally getting by many times stressed. What a sad way to live. Are you one of them? How satisfied are you with your life? Who you have in it? What you do for a living?

During the holiday season, while you are preparing for family events, being with friends and getting into a spirit of giving, great time to do some reflecting on what's important in your life. What do you cherish the most? What do you long to do? Who haven't you heard from in awhile? Who could you say you appreciate them for something? Who could use your help and guidance? Think about it, I guarantee you will feel better about yourself if you act on this.

After all, we are born to this Earth to give back, the hard part is knowing what that is.....the easy part is doing it. Think about it for awhile and then do something about it.

Jane Handly Childhood Story Movie

Jane Handly Childhood Story Movie: The power of story showing love and courageous.

Are We Getting Too Commercialized?

A picture in our local paper this week made me shake my head.  The picture was of a man sitting in a camping chair, reading his paper (on Monday of this week of Thanksgiving) waiting in line for the bargain shopping to begin on Thursday night. I am very much a progressive person, staying ahead of the trends and embracing change but I also like some traditional things as well.  One of them is celebrating the holidays one at a time. Our society has been rolling out the celebration of Christmas before Thanksgiving but typically by only a few days.  Now it's starts the month of November and even worse, are scenes like the one I described above. We as a country have allowed commercialization to seep through our society, especially through social media and the internet. To me this is pretty scary and somewhat sterile in showing up as Americans.

Yes, we all have choices we can make but doesn't it seem a little too commercial to be worrying about being the first in line for Black Friday (which really is now Thursday night) to grab a bargain vs. getting excited about upcoming family and friends celebrating the day of Thanksgiving. Even if you don't have family and are by yourself, you could invite someone alone over to share a meal or go help serve food to the less fortunate. Some people can't wait to start decorating for Christmas. Even in the condo building I live in, the Christmas tree is already in the lobby being readied for decorations and it's only November 20th.

All I can do is allow people to be who they are and think what they think and be OK with that. I know I am looking forward to simply spending some quality time with dear friends, enjoying home cooked food, some wine and some laughs.

 As parents and grandparents, it's part of our purpose to instill values and life experiences on our children so they understand the importance of some traditions. Great to shop for bargains, decorate, prepare for Christmas but why not wait until after the day of being grateful of our country being formed.

The Power of Virtual Sales That Engage People

I sat in on a webinar this week facilitated by Brian Crowley with WhatWorks.  Not only was he engaging and interesting but he helped me see the value in the importance of embracing technology in meetings.  I am a big advocate of face to face meetings and building relationships and have been resistant to trying to incorporate virtual meetings into my coaching practice.  After the one hour presentation, I am a believer that it's a viable tool if done correctly.  Correctly is key.  I sat in on another webinar this week that went on for 90-minutes of continuous talking by the presenter.  She became hoarse at the end and did ask for questions. But it was very boring and I got very restless from the experience and caught myself wanting to look at my emails and getting up to do something else.

In order to keep people's interest and attention, you have to involve them when conducting an online presentation.  People typically stayed engaged for eight seconds, that is not very long.  GoToMeeting is a great web site for conducting online meetings. There are  spaces for asking questions and raising your hand.  Most important part of presenting is to make sure your PowerPoint presentation is clean, includes lots of pictures, only a few words per page (not a bunch of text per page) and really use it more as a guide.  While presenting, include interesting stories that people can relate to.

Brian started out by asking people to write in what their greatest challenges were in presenting on-line and one thing of value they would like to get from the presentation.  I ask these questions when I facilitate meetings. This gives you the ability to understand what people want and how they feel. At the end of the presentation, I always go back to what was requested and see if they were mentioned.  He also said you need to interact with you audience every eight minutes, again so they stay with you. Before you present, key to do your homework on what you are talking about. If you are presenting to a client, learn about them beforehand by going to their web site, understanding their needs, hopefully talking to them on the phone or in a meeting so you can ask lots of questions about their business before you do this presentation. You can then incorporate the answers to their questions and your features and benefits.

Online presentations should typically not be any longer than one-hour, factoring in 15-minutes for questions and comments.  You should share with your audience a clear objective of your presentation and what your goals are for conducting your presentation. You should also be clear on who you want your audience to be, what their roles are and know how many are in attendance. I agree with Brian in that don't start with the Agenda.  Have a grabber, a quote, a short story or share a challenge that people on the call can relate to. Include a credibility statement or testimonial, your objectives and the benefit to the audience and then the agenda of your time together. Have some great pictures in your presentation which you can get from Google Images or for a small fee www.istockphoto.com.  If you have an interesting story of you, include it. Live video is becoming more common to add, graphics and statistics and colors as well.  Your audience is going to be made up of people who like data, people who like story, pictures and colors and people who just like simple bullet points so you want to make your presentation applicable to each type of personality. If you are including video of yourself, have a white background and dress professionally, looking at the camera lens NOT at yourself on screen.

Most importantly is asking questions or ask for comments sprinkled throughout your presentation and stop and go through these (allow a few minutes of presentation for this). If your audience is large, then respond to common questions being asked or something really unique that is relevant. Obviously manage this time. At the end make sure you include your credits, review back what some key points were talked about including what people requested to learn, go over any "next steps" and ask for any final questions.

Check out the resources I mentioned above and seriously consider the value of presenting virtually.  My next step is to start using this valuable tool for presenting and to start playing around with video.

The Importance of Corporate Wellness Programs

Part of my practice includes facilitating corporate wellness workshops inside of companies for employees and managers, leaders rarely take the time to do this unfortunately. The number one hot topic is Stress Management followed by Work/Life Balance.  These are big deals for employees who recognize that they are stressed especially if a lot of changes are occurring inside of the companies. They want to be able to manage this better including healthier life styles choices.  I have done some workshops on Worry and Anxiety, Resilience, Self-Esteem which are in the same category as Stress.

I always ask the participants to share with me what they would like to get out of our meeting and what the key drivers are?  At the end of our time together, I circle back to these as they are important to people and need to be woven into what is being presented and discussed.  It all goes back to better managing what's not working and learning new things to manage going forward.

Breathing, visualizing, mindful thinking (being in the present moment), stretching are instant practices that can help change the current mindset.  So if someone is in a stressful environment, overhearing a stressful conversation or are in that conversation, they can take a minute to breathe, maybe get up and leave their chair, take a few seconds before they respond or speak so they feel a bit more in control of their emotions. This is a simple and helpful practice to learn to develop.

One practice that people want more control over is leaving work at the office and not taking home
to their love ones the worry, stress and anxiety they feel. I have them think of a way to put a boundary around this.  Play some soft music in the car, take some deep breaths before they go in the door, mentally tell themselves that they have left the junk at the office. One person liked screaming while alone, where no one could hear her. One person created a "hugging tree" in their yard. They hug the tree before they go in the house, leaving all the baggage outside.  Really important to create a practice that works for you on controlling and managing your stress, worry or anxiety.

Having a support partner is very helpful in managing stress - someone who is your soft place to land. Someone who will listen and not offer advice unless you want it. Eating balanced diets, adding exercise to your daily routine (even if it's taking a walk at the beginning or ending of your day is important); getting enough sleep every night are just as important. Learning how to say No to things is really helpful. There is an exercise I give people on this.  Men are better at doing this than women.

There are many tools and practices that people can learn to embrace so that they make better choices in their lives. Being in worry, anxiety and stress are just not healthy. We all have our moments with this but it's being able to manage how long we stay there is what is key to change.If you can't break free from these negative feelings and emotions, may want to consider getting some mental health counseling.  Coaching is for healthy minds so we are a resource to get better at managing stress and work/life balance, etc. If someone is depressed, they need to seek out mental health professionals who are trained to deal with depression.

Women of Tomorrow helps students find their inner voice

This nonprofit has been in my life for seven years.  Please read this article from our local newspaper on the value and significance of making a difference in young women's lives.
Women of Tomorrow helps students find their inner voice

Understanding Professional Coaching

Webster's dictionary defines life coaching as "an advisor who helps people make decisions, set their goals or deal with problems."  For the sake of this article I am chaning life coaching to professional coaching.

I am trained as a life coach but I choose to focus on executive/leadership/team coaching in the business arena. Much more effective to have my life coaching training when working with business people as it allows for the essence of the peron to show up which impacts the best change that is desired. All great leaders of people lead from their heart and care about others first and then do what needs to be done to be successful with processes, procedures, etc.

The word I have a problem in this incorrect definition is "advisor" as we are NOT advisors - leave that to consultatnts. Professionally trained coaches rarely, if ever, play the role of advisor. It is a valuable role but it's not the role of professional coaches.

Mentors give advice. Consultants give advice. Teachers and experts in all fields give advice. Not professional coaches.  Why not? These others experts, mentors, consultants, educators are characterized by a knowledge differential.  As the ICF says, "the knowledge of one person is desired by another; so the one who has it offers advice to the one who desires it."  Mentor to apprentice; teacher to student; master to novice; physician to patient; athletic coach to player; consultant to business owners or leader. In each of these examples, the one desiring growth for example seeks advice from the one with the expertise. This can bring wisdom and success as these advisors work from the outside-in. Professional coaches do exactly the opposite; they work from the inside-out. The knowledge comes from the person(s). The coach doesn't have the knowledge the client is seeking, they know the client has the knowledge within them or within the team and it comes out through coaching. The clients each have unique life paths, experiences, education, culture, etc. which isn't offered from the coach. Deeper meaning and more impactful change is allowed to evolve. Great quote on this "the purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out."

The coach draws out the purpose, the vision, the strengths, talents and meaning behind what needs or wants to change.  Coaches question, being genuinely curious about what may be discovered, we question and we listen and then we question again. Coaches are the experts on questioning, listening, probing, prodding and then reflecting, clarifying, reframing and challenging. Think about detectives arriving on a crime scene.They arrive on the scene and ask questions, probe, search, look for clues until finally something of importance shows up or is discovered and they can start working on solving the case. We coaches approach our clients like detectives seeking to discover what really is going on and what the importance of the requested change is. We guide our clients in this process, help them create action plans and accountability processes.

I hope this information gave you some clarity of the difference between coaching and advising.

Great Quotes from Great Leaders

Wise words from famous people....

Great Quotes from Great Leaders

More Coaching Scenarios

Here is another coaching example......

Small business owner eeking out a decent living and loving what he does. Gets approached by someone who would like to partner with this owner and start a new venue combining forces with the idea that they can do great things together.

Owner contacts a coach he knows to share the conversations he has had with this could be partner. Owner decides to hire coach to help him sort out his feelings, concerns, beliefs, vision before he has the next conversation with the would-be partner. Owner and coach create their relationship (we call this designing the alliance in the CTI world) around accountability, expectations, etc. Coach asks some thought provoking questions to have owner think about what his vision is, what he likes about this offer and more importantly, the person. Also questions on what challenges he sees could happen and fears he may have. This is all mapped out on flip charts for further contemplation by owner. After this in-depth conversation the owner feels he knows what his next steps will be and has committed to the coach that he will follow up with coach on a certain date to share the results of his actions.

This was a brainstorming session which I do often typically for two hours. These type of clients contact me for additional coaching on new opportunities, new challenges that have come up, etc.  Typically the owner will see the value of the coaching experience and if he feels that the partnership is full of potenital will have a conversation with his new partner to be about having a coaching session with the two of them and the coach to get really clear on roles, expectations, vision, dream, challenges, fears, communication, etc. At this stage, coaching is with the partners - not with one person and the partners. Clarity of this role as coach has to be discussed and a new alliance is desgined.  Very effective work.

Coaching Example

As I continue down the path of describing coaching through real-life situations, my goal is to bring clarity to the coaching space for people reading my posts - to see the value of hiring a coach.

A few of my clients are sales managers who manage people and profitability in the demographics they are responsible for. One of their focuses is to not only motivate their people to increase profitability but to build strong relationships with their teams and develop leaders in the process. The biggest challenge most sales managers have is around the very crucial skill of good communication and clear expectations. Personality types play prominently in relationships: introvert, extrovert, thinkers, feelers, profile identifyers, etc. Also factored in are life experiences, education, training, how you were raised, etc. This is important information to understand how the client communicates, what challenges they have in communicating with others and especially leading others. A question I ask is "if I met xxxxx, what would they say about your leadership style?" I encourage them to sit down with their direct reports and get really clear on what each other expects in their relationship and talk about it.

The soft skills focus is my passion and so I really get to know my clients by discovering how they think, feel, what they want their relationships to look like with the people reporting to them and the interaction and relationships they have with their managers and with others. We explore different perspectives and options they have and figure out what they want to do differently through tools, actions and accountability and create their plan. Sometimes during the relationship, we deviate off of the plan and change direction, coaching gives them the ability to do this if something isn't working or if a new idea shows up.

During the coaching, the agenda is always the clients. It's not my place to bring in my suggestions or ideas without their permission. Whatever day to day issue that shows up typically has a higher meaning and we really focus on what that is and how it's impacting the client. This is really important.

Because I have a sales management background, I really enjoy coaching sales people and push them out of their comfort zone to think of new ways of being and doing.  The success factor is so much higher for people who hire good coaches because they can work on their own aspirations and vision as well as creating excellent teams.

How effective is executive coaching in an offices setting?

As I was driving to the airport today to pick someone up, I thought about what I would like to post on my blog this week. Many people don't quite get the return on investment of hiring an executive coach. So, I thought maybe I should start describing some situations that people can relate to in order to see the effectiveness of coaching.  So here goes:

A small bank is being taken over by an investment group. The investment group sees the value of bringing in a coach to get a feel for what the current bank staff feelings and concerns are and create a plan of action to get buy in from the banking staff on the acquistion. I actually was the coach on this project earlier this year.

I first met with the leadership team of the investment group to get clear on what their roles and expectations were of the acquistion. I crafted a series of questions (with buy in from the investment group) to ask of the bank leaders (5 people) I met with individually. I also conducted a brief introductory meeting with the staff to share with them who I was and what my role was. At that meeting,  the investors introduced themselves to  the staff sharing limited information (as this was in the beginning stage of the acquisition and they had been working with the bank's leaders already). I asked the investment team what they would like to share with the banking staff and what they wanted the staff to know during the process. I asked this team to clarify how the staff would be impacted during the transition and what everyone on the team's roles were. I asked the staff to share with the investors what they needed to know and what they needed from them at this point. What showed up was a point person designated for keeping the staff informed when visitors showed up. The investment team acknowledged everyone for their hard work and shared they understood that fear of the unknownwas probably was present and that they would be as open as they could be and they asked for everyone's assistance during the transition which everyone agreed to.

From these meetings, I created a 10-question survey that was completed by the bank leadership team and the staff, with the results coming directly to me. The survey's focus was getting a pulse for what was going on, what they were proud of, what could be better, what they would like to see, what the challenges were in the current environment, what their fears were, etc. I compiled the results and built a matrix on key points that needed to be addressed. All this was confidential (no names shared) I included the good things that showed up as well, especially what people were proud of. (note - if this had been a bigger bank, a more formal assessment could have been more appropriate and I would have called in more coaching associates as well).

From the results of the survey, a plan of action was created between the investment team and the bank leaders. Meetings were scheduled to get buy-in from key people, staff meetings held to keep everyone informed and recruit volunteers who wanted to be part of future change. Committees were formed to keep the momentum going and included staff, management and leaders. This whole process created transparency and clarity in communication during the process, taking away some fear of the unknown and helped keep morale at a higher level.

Quality of Coaching

I just ordered the 3rd edition of "Co-Active Coaching" by Henry and Karen Kinsey-House, the founders of CTI (Coach Training Institute). I had the pleasure of attending CTI for my coach training (a life changing experience for me) back in 2004 and again in 2006 to get my certification, both six month processes. CTI is one of a few schools that require future coaches to attend face to face class room experiences where deep work is a focus on who we are as humans and how we can bring impact through change with our clients. I got my training in Atlanta and had to go up there every month for six months for three-day weekends where we focused on CTI's principles and foundation. The sessions included having to coach a client on the second night of the weekend, focusing on the learning that was emphasized and practiced for the weekend. I met some wonderful leaders and fellow classmates who to this day I am still friends. During the certification process, I had to commit to weekly phone work for six months, working in pods of eight people from around the world. We had a pod leader, had a pod name - hydrangeas was ours and we had homework every week, had to coach and be coached during our weekly one and 1/2 hour calls. We also had to have five paying clients while we went through certification who agreed to be recorded (for methodology purposes) which were critiqued my senior coaches to make sure we were learning the deeper meaning of our training. At the end of the six months, we were requried to take both an oral and written exam (similar to grad school). The oral exam was actually coaching two senior level coaches on whatever topic they brought to the call for 30-minutes. Very deep work and was imbedded in me.

It's important for good coaches to keep their "saw sharpened" regularly as our industry is changing and we need to stay aware of what changes are occurring in the industry and learning new processes and techniques that may be more relevant to what we originally learned. This is why I chose to buy the newest edition of the book to see what I need to brush up on and start incorporating in my practice.

I believe that CTI coaches are the best trained coaches in the world (a little prejudice here). We have been taught to deeply listen, ask through provoking questions, create a very safe and confidential space for our clients to work on change and help our client move the needle a little to where they want to go. Harvard Business school has created a relationship with CTI because they see the value in what Karen and Henry have created.  It works.

Unfortuantely, there are coaching schools out there who teach people to coach in a weekend or via the internet without any true experience, learning or interface with others. This does not help our community with credibility or effectiveness.  Thank goodness that are organizations such as the ICF (International Coaching Federation) which I am a certified member that creates standards and ethics to adhere to. Another thing I had to learn to be with as maybe they bring some sort of value are people who call themselves coaches who have no training and in fact, use their past experiences in their work or who hear from others that they should be a coach now call themselves coaches.

If you are considering coaching to help you, check out CTI or the ICF. You want to engage with a coach who is aligned to who you are and who can bring you the best value. You want to hire someone who is trained, bottom line.

7 differences between a group and a team - Buschman Consultancy

Well written article on the importance of understanding the difference between teams and groups. Marco is also a CTI trained coach as I am.

7 differences between a group and a team - Buschman Consultancy

The Empty Pickle Jar

I  have demonstrated this exercise in front of people stating the golf balls were values, the pebbles the influences around us - work, play, etc. and the sand is the metaphor for everything else (the small stuff). We tend to forget this philosphy too often so it's good to revisit once in awhile to remember what is really important in life.

The Empty Pickle Jar

The Attitude is Everything Movie

Pass this on to those people in your life who need a little pick me up once in awhile.

The Attitude is Everything Movie

Do I Really Want to Work Here: What’s Your Culture Telling Me? | Tolero Solutions

Had a conversation yesterday with the CEO of Tolero Solutions and I would definitely align myself with them from a coaching perspective as we have similar beliefs on the importance of culture, leadership development and diversity in the workplace. Great read here.

Do I Really Want to Work Here: What’s Your Culture Telling Me? | Tolero Solutions

If Life is a Game, These Are the Rules

Sometimes we get so busy with our every day life that we tend to forget what is really important in the grand scheme of things.  This vidoe is a 3 minute pause to reflect on how to embrace who you are......If Life is a Game, These Are the Rules

Sharks and Dolphins - opportunity to blend the two in leadership

Read in yesterday's Sun Sentinel, an article quoting Connie Glaser, an author and women's leadership expert about working women learning to swim with sharks. She described women as typical "dolphins" and men as "sharks" in characteristics of leading and communicating. She said each gender should be blended into "dolphark" which is really a blend of the great qualities each gender inhibits in leadership and communicating with others.

What that means to me is men are a bit more gutsy in taking risks and making decisions and speaking their minds. Older generations especially tend to take the lead in decision making especially male leaders. Whereas women have always been categorized as being better at the "soft skills" - collaboration, being supportive of others, engaging others and listening. Soft Skills (Emotional Intelligence is another label) has been coming to the forefront recently as having a lot of significance and is being embraced in the workplace as important skills to have when leading others. We are getting more connected globally and younger leadership sees the value in brainstorming to solve problems, allowing others to have a say in the direction of the company, being collaborative in approach to business, etc. "Women tend to be better at fostering cooperation and are less likely to dominate conversations" says Glaser. We  are much more likely to listen to hear what others have to say and take that into consideration when decisions need to be made. Studies have shown that the more diverse workplaces are there is a higher level of cooperation and a richer collection of intelligence.

It would benefit us as women to speak up confidently more often in meetings. We tend to be too humble at times and don't pat ourselves on the back enough whereas men have more confidence in who they are and they speak it much more easily. Women can utilize the skills of men in some cases, especially around confidence. Blending of the traits of both species is the best choice. At times it's great to gather consensus  from others but there are times when you need to rely on your own resources and make a thoughtful decision on your own. It's very important to always value collaboration and being a good team player but never forget to feel comfortable taking credit for what you have achieved. If you show up as walking the talk, you will gain respect and credibility on your own merits.

It's really important for women to support other women in an organization so if another woman is on the leadership team or is a manager, they need to promote one another and speak up where credit is due and needs to be acknowledged. Men can benefit from learning from women's leadership qualities as well (and some already exemplify this). The days of the "deer slayer" is no longer of value or respected. Feeling comfortable with getting away from gender differences is an important lesson to learn as a leader. Value who the person is and what they bring to the table is much more effective. A good place to start is to have conversations with each other, maybe over lunch, breakfast or coffee, asking questions; listening to each other's stories on the definition of success; where each sees the strengths and challenges inside the company and with each other.

As a coach, facilitating meetings to get out all the good, the bad and the ugly is where laundry can be aired, old thoughts and perceptions can be cleared and new ideas, intentions and discoveries can be defined and implemented together.

Red Zone Marketing - Blog

Maribeth has the best marketing ideas, many are very innovative.

Red Zone Marketing - Blog

The Toxic Behavior of Judging

I have been facilitating a lot of corporate wellness programs lately and am pleased to see there are companies who see the value in giving their employees new information and tools to use to manage their stress and work/life balance.  The ROI is quite eye opening. Not only does this proactive approach cut down on health care costs companies incur but it also helps alleviate employee turnover. People will get disengaged in their job performance if they feel they don't matter, are not appreciated or don't see any opportunities in their employment. People are working longer hours, are required to handle more responsibility with less pay and in many cases working the jobs of two people as companies cut back on expenses and have become lean.

It's no wonder stress shows up, work/life balance has jumped out of the window. As human beings, we only have control over how we react to outside triggers. We can choose to handle and manage our stress through making time for habits such as deep breathing, physical activity, listening to quiet music, being outdoors in nature, etc. Or, we can choose to just be frantic, worried, anxious all the time. One helps us stay young, keeps us healthy - mind, body and spirit and calm or one will age us quickly, cause health issues and relationship issues. It's a personal choice we have to make.

I like to educate people on the factors of what causes stress and how it impacts the mind and body; help people discover their triggers and where it shows up and then guide them to figure out how to manage it, the most important part of our discussions. Sometimes we have to get an accountability partner to help us implement a change in behavior or we see the value in hiring a coach who will help guide us to long-lasting change.

If you are reading this and you don't handle stress or work/life balance very well. Step back and ask yourself: How is this impacting me and those around me? What would I like to change or add to my life that is nurturing and calming? What needs to change? Why is this important? It's never too late to grab a hold of our lives and decide that some things aren't working anymore and needed changes have to occur. As Nike says - "Just Do It".

Innovators and Entrepreneurship

Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending the open house and ribbon cutting ceremony of the new FAU Research Park incubator center located in Boca Raton next to the campus of FAU.  Walking around and seeing/meeting the young innovators located throughout the space was so much fun. I love hearing people's passion about new ideas and new concepts they are creating with excitement. One company, an IT consulting company has only been in business four months and have already gone from a staff of six to a staff of twelve and have plans to continue expanding. All Generation Y folks with an eagerness to take their concepts and ideas to their market and transform their client's ideas into realty.

In attendance at this event was the city mayor, a councilwoman, a county commissioner, members of the Business Development Board, Chamber of Commerce, staff and faculty of FAU and business owners, investors, etc. I met some very interesting people from this group, many I know. One new person I engaged in conversation was  a college professor of engineering who is also a beautiful artist - Thomas Fernandez. His artwork adorned  the walls of the building and it is simply exquisite. He created some pieces to depict math formulas in art form. Truly intriguing coming from a traditional left-brain thinker who is also very much a right brain creator of beauty.

Innovators and Entrepreneurship are buzz words for this decade. The more open we can be with accepting of new ideas and concepts to make processes easier, the less stressed we can become. If you live near a college campus, check out what's going on around it in the business community. When they join forces, fertile ground of new ideas being created by a whole new generation. These are exciting times.

We Can Never Forget

"No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone."

—  Haruki Murakami

Eleven years ago today, actually this morning - the United States was attacked to the core of our being. From September 12,2001 forward, our lives have been changed dramatically. Just like the holocaust during WWII, mankind continues to be plagued by unrest, hate, personal agendas and suffering. These wake up calls give us opportunities to not only be alert to not allowing these atrocities to happen, but to stand in the power of Love, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and maybe just maybe make a difference in someone's life to see the value in others and in being alive in this world. We have the ability to speak, to make a difference, to be aware of what's going on around us and alerting officials if something doesn't seem right. Yes, there is tremendous bureaucracy in our government and dysfunction in how some governments around the world are led. But again, we have the ability to take a step forward in the direction of helping someone else be a better person. Own this power or get help to be better at owning your power. There is tremendous good in our world as well and events such as these mentioned brings out the best in people who come together to help.

We must never forget and we must never not get involved. We can change things, one step at a time.

Difficult Conversations

I am reading "Difficult Conversations" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen.  Most of us struggle with conversations that need to be said whether it's on difficult performance feedback, addressing dysfunctional behavior, taking teams to their greatness, etc.  The biggest lesson I gleaned from the book is that our assumptions about other people's intentions can also have a significant impact on our conversations. The other person can judge our intentions, feel falsely accused and have to be defend themselves.

The lessons around disentangling the impact and your intention is to ask yourself three questions:
        1. What did the other person actually say or do?
        2.  What was the impact of this on me?
        3.  Based on this impact, what assumption am I making about what the other person intended?

From these thoughts, practice sharing the impact on you with the other person and ask them what their intention was the comment or action. If you can create a way to take a moment to think about your reactions and respond in a different way, you may find these difficult conversations become easier.  Please remember that you only have control over yourself - your reactions, your actions and your thoughts. The same is true for all of us as each of us is wired as individuals with our own histories, our own life experiences, education , life lessons and culture exposure.

Read the book, hire a coach, practice and be mindful of where these conversations show up and try to handle them a little differently.

Creative Lifestyle Through Mind Mapping | CraigDesmarais.com

The article on this link is well written and shows how we humans think which can cause of stress, worry or harmony.

Creative Lifestyle Through Mind Mapping | CraigDesmarais.com

Stress Management

I facilitated a workshop today inside of a pharmaceutical company on the topic "Stress Management". There was a health fair going on in the office as well and staff had the opportunity to get chair massages, meet with a rep from a gym, get their eyes tested and learn about shoe fitting.

Stress Management is a becoming more mainstream in companies who really focus on keeping their employees healthy, which impacts the healthcare costs of the company, in a positive way. It doesn't have to be hard to put a process in place in the company giving employees tools, ideas, opportunities to learn more about managing their stress. Just the simple technique of taking deep breaths will lower stress which we did during the workshop. Most importantly, it has to start at the top with leadership who "walk the talk" and see the value of making sure stress is managed in the company environment and they too participate.

Today the staff wasn't interested in talking too much about what stress is, what the signs are, etc. They wanted to know how to manage and control it. From a coaching perspective, it's a very personal thing as we are all wired differently with different life experiences, culture driven habits, physical and emotional make up.  The big challenge most in the room experienced and needed help with was around exercise and how to integrate exercise in their busy lives. This is especially hard for young working mothers who have to juggle children, being a housewife and working. I gave them some ideas but also more importantly wanted them to reflect on what they could manage and implement into their busy lives.

Regarding exercise, if you can't afford to join a gym then maybe taking family walks or walking by yourself sometime during the day may help bringing exercise into your life. Maybe investing in a treadmill or bicycles for the family may be an option. Here in South Florida, we have the beach which is free. People play volleyball, talk walks, go swimming or run. If exercise is important and needs to be in your life, think about what the benefits will be and what needs to change to allow some time for this most important part of   keeping you healthy. I love to ask "what are your options?" "let's get creative and think outside of the box and look at all of your options. If "I don't have time" comes into the conversation, I ask people to monitor how they spend their day for about a week, writing down every little detail without judgment and then look at it and see if there is a pattern of activity or Doing that could be shifted a bit into adding a stress re-leaser or bringing some personal pampering into their life. It's good to have an accountability partner or a coach to help make this shift happen and keep the person on track for change.

I love this work and hope to get more of it. People simply need to slow down, get out of their minds and into their hearts and just enjoy life. Smiles, laughter and gratitude show up more often.  Try it.

The Business Case for Executive Coaching- International Coach Federation (ICF) ROI Study

Great reading on the value of hiring an executive coach. Helping leaders become more effective their style of leading thus leading to success. Proud to be a certified coach through the ICF.

The Business Case for Executive Coaching- International Coach Federation (ICF) ROI Study

Ideal Job - Organizational Change

In my coaching practice I have a combination of one on one clients conducting executive coaching; conducting workshops inside of organizations and companies on corporate wellness with a focus on stress management and work/life balance; and team coaching on breaking down silos and creating a more transparent, collaborative style of communication between the leadership team and employees teams. I really enjoy facilitating meetings as being the outside, impartial person I don't get caught up in issues, positions, perspectives or this is the right way of doing things thinking. Listening to what is being said, giving people the opportunity to speak their voice w/o judgment and brainstorming on new ideas is really what good coaching is all about.

While walking the other morning, a thought came to me on what would be an ideal coaching assignment to add to my client mix. I would like to be hired on a monthly retainer fee (negotiable) to work with a company  once a month for a few days or one week a month focusing on change with the people. Facilitating meetings; working with teams; breaking down barriers between departments; helping companies evolve from good to Great; corporate wellness programs are some examples where I could bring benefit. I especially like working with sales teams and in fact, coach a few sales managers (remotely I may add) once a month. My focus is helping them become better at communicating with their teams, brainstorming on increasing their margins and new ideas for business development, etc.

I love to travel and could do this anywhere in the country. The biggest challenge is that many leaders don't see the ROI on focusing on their staff  or becoming better leaders themselves. Many companies send people to motivational or educational workshops or webinars. These are great knowledge sources but what do most people do when they get back to the office......throw the material in a drawer and don't make any changes to their behavior or areas of responsibilities.  Coaching focuses on why change is important, what needs to change and how change will be implemented. Action and accountability figure into the process and the best part, a good coach becomes the guiding partner to make this happen, always in service of the client. Hmmm, I am going to have to find opportunities to incorporate this into my practice.

The Gift of a Grandchild

My granddaughter was here for five days and it was so blissful to have her around. She is 19 years old this month and has grown into a beautiful young woman both outside which is noticeable and inside which is far more important. She is at the age of engaging in conversation rather than yes and no answers or being too busy texting to her friends.

We really enjoyed ourselves with the typical mani/pedi day, lunches, Zumba class, bike riding. shopping, etc. But we also simply enjoyed each other's company. She is my only grandchild and even though she doesn't live in the area (moved away with her parents when she was 10) we are very close.  Looking back over the past 19 years, we have had some very fond memories. She shared living space with me when her parents moved back to the states for about 8 months. I loved her little bracelets that she made me (still have them), her rearranging my jewelry and trying on my heels. I went to all of her dance practices and recitals, soccer games and volleyball games when she got older. She is a great athlete and is on a volleyball scholarship now. We have swum with the dolphins, we have stayed in little boutique hotels in cool towns and had dinners and breakfast together just the two us and these memories will continue into the future as she grows in her adult years.

I am very proud of her, love her unconditionally, wish only for the best for her and have taught her to embrace life and never settle. I am grateful for this child.

Self Reflection

While I was laying on the floor in yoga this morning, a thought crossed my mind regarding my current client makeup. I trust my intuition more and more as I have gotten older so I felt it was important to take a few minutes after I left the class to reflect a bit on this message.

My current practice includes working with several sales managers and leaders and their staff in the non-profit world. To many people these two "categories of personality types" would clash with each other as there is a general perception that sales people are focused only on "getting the deal, closing the sale, it's all about me, I bring the most value to the company because if it weren't for me, we wouldn't keep growing, etc", completely opposite of charities. In the nonprofit world, the people who work in this field are passionate about helping others - selfless, giving, being, compassionate, etc.and would struggle in many parts of a sales environment given how they operate.

 I lived in the world of business development/sales for about 16 years. These assumptions were not how I operated as a successful sales person. I built long-lasting relationships with my clients and it was always all about them, including the in-house clients (employees).  I was trained and practiced never to be pushy, slick, close the deal at all costs or be self-centered. Sales people are typically extroverts and we like being with people so we typically build relationships with others easily. Our self-confidence and self-motivated styles can sometimes be perceived as selfish or self-serving but in many cases this is not true. Because I lived and breathed sales for so long and was well trained as well, I really enjoy coaching sales professionals and their staff. Our energies match very easily; I love pushing them to think outside of the box and have them dig deeply to think about what's really important in what they are doing and how they are perceived as a leader and success.

Since I was very young, giving back in the service of others has always been very important to me and should be for every human on earth. We are all born to this world to be in the service of others and many still need to figure that out. I started out volunteering with the Red Cross in my twenties. So another natural fit for me is the area of non-profits, helping the leaders be great leaders, helping them create cultures of excellence and getting outside people to be involved with the charities.

So sitting back and self-reflecting, I find it rewarding that I see the value of what they bring to me as a human and as a coach. There are lots of great lessons being learned and practiced that benefits both groups of people.

The Journey To Competitive Advantage Through Servant Leadership: Speaker...

What the Olympic Games are all about

Baron Pierre de Coubertin, the father of the modern Olympics said "the most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well."


This certainly wasn't practiced this week on two occasions. One from the ladies badminton matches involving three countries (China, Indonesia and Korea - though not sure north or south. The participants were removed from the games, rightfully so. The Japanese soccer coach (while in Scotland) had his team not score any points for fear they would have to travel for their next match. Instead were able to play their next match in Scotland. He didn't get sanctioned which really surprised me, again certainly had his own agenda on what was important in being part of the Olympics.


Integrity and ethics certainly are not priorities in these situations. Thank goodness the majority of countries send athletes to the games to show the world what good athletes they are after working very hard on their skills and natural ability. Thank goodness officials are stepping in and taking action against the unethical practices stopping some of these transgressions.


I Love watching the games, seeing the excitement on the faces of the winners, the parents, countrymen and women and the coaches. I very much appreciate the games. Especially proud of the United States and being an American. We have some great athletes this year, representing our country. 

Managing Your Daily Time by Prioritizing

Video on prioritizing daily activities

http://play.simpletruths.com/movie/eat-that-frog-v/?cm_mmc=CheetahMail-_-FR-_-07.27.12-_-FROGmovie-USCAXX-&utm_source=CheetahMail&utm_campaign=FROGmovie

Back from a trip to Chicago - Reunion

Mark and I spent a long weekend in Chicago this past weekend attending his 45th high school reunion. Mark was fortunate in the sense that he attended the same elementary school, junior high school (now middle school) and high school and kept long-lasting friendships with a posse of guys that to this day stay in touch and see each other when they can. What fun to be the 3rd party sitting back and watching the dynamics of people getting together to embrace, share fond memories and see people they haven't seen in 25 to 45 years.  Their class was a large one for 1967 in Southside Chicago. There were 187 who attended the two days of events and 31 who have passed away over the years. From appearances and hearing conversations, some people looked the same except for maybe some white or grey hair, while others look completely different from their life experiences, genetics, health, etc. I smiled the whole weekend, took lots of pictures and just enjoyed the love and camaraderie that occurred. After high school, they all spread out and attended college in IL and in other states but the core group of friends stayed connected. They attend each other's weddings, now children's weddings and thank goodness no deaths yet. The wives, husbands and significant others are now considered part of this posse.

While growing up, we moved a lot, thus I attended many elementary schools mainly in California and Arizona  and I attended three different high schools so I don't have the luxury of having lots of friends I grew up with. I led an interesting life traveling and moving with my mother and I do somewhat envy people who were able to stay in one area and gather life-long friends. My children were Army brats and they too experienced moving a lot but my oldest son was able to attend one high school and has a couple of friends from there he is still close to. My other son attended two different high schools in two different states and didn't develop those close friendships.

I can't feel sorry for myself nor would I rewind and live my life differently as on my journey I became who I am today and that's what it's suppose to be. But I do respect and appreciate seeing those who have been together for years, shared life experiences, friendships and love. If you developed friendships from growing up and have lost contact with them, might be an opportunity to reconnect, think about it.

Report finds Penn State president, Paterno concealed facts about Sandusky sex abuse

This is very disappointing and disgusting.

Report finds Penn State president, Paterno concealed facts about Sandusky sex abuse

Pinterest Boards

Another new social media tool is "Pinterest" which really is a very user friendly place to create "boards" of interest. There are categories and topics you put on your page and then you start embellishing your boards. You can "pin" or upload photos you like or are interested in such as hobbies, food, places you want to visit, books you read or want to read, movies to see, styles, quotes.......you name it as you can be as creative as you want to be.

So you may ask yourself what the value of doing this is?  I have always loved to share with others helpful hints, tidbits, etc. so a perfect place given my personality to do this. Pinterest is connected to Facebook and Twitter  and somehow people from these social media sites will visit the boards to see things they can relate to or like and from the most recent additions put these same things on their boards. I simply enjoy spending a few minutes on this site each day. It is just fun.

I follow people who think similarly to me in how they post - fashion, design, travel, quotes, etc. May not be your cup of tea and that's OK.  Another creative idea that is innovative and the creators will soon be millionaires.

Life is like Coffee Movie

Life is like Coffee Movie: Do you know people that just seem to be happier in general? Do you say to yourself, "I want to be more like them"? Often, the happiest people in the world don't have the best of everything...they just make the best of everything!

Gaining Back a More Youthful Glow

I read in a beauty magazine that at birth, our skin is in the best shape will ever be - its velvety soft, free of discoloration and virtually perfect. But years of sun exposure, lifestyle choices and other external factors and skin conditions can damage our complexion and rob it of the healthy glow that we all want.  The article recommended regular facials vs. peels.

Eating healthier will help keep your skin looking younger. Orange veggies like carrots and sweet potatoes are loaded with Vitamin A which restores and regenerates damaged collagen. Fish creates stronger skin cells and it's rich in omega-3 fatty acids. Tuna and salmon are two fishes to include in your diet. Water-based veggies like cucumber, broccoli, swiss chard, sweet potatoes, asparagus and celery have a lot of sulfur which produces collagen. Red veggies provides sun protection. Tomatoes, peppers, beets contain an antioxidant - lycopene that acts as a natural sunblock. All good stuff to know.

Think Before You Do

Sometimes we get so caught up in the moment, especially in stressful situations that we tend to forget to see what we are doing. This happened to me yesterday - big mistake. I decided to pay my American Express bill on-line through my checking account. I hurriedly input the pertinent  information and hit process. What I forgot to do was to double verify the dollar amount I entered for payment which I didn't do. What I did do was input a number that was far more than what was owed. I immediately contacted American Express who shared with me, "too late" it's already hit our automated system. I contacted my bank and asked to speak to a manager (it was Sunday) - we decided to try and put a stop payment on the transaction which she shared with me may not work - it didn't. I got notified this morning that my account was overdrawn by this large amount so had to scramble to rectify the situation. I now have a credit with American Express and a depleted checking account but all has been taken care of.  Lesson on this for me, if I had simply SLOWED down enough to verify what I was doing before processing the transaction especially since a large sum of money was involved. 

We live in the digital world of technology which is so convenient but it can also be challenging in the sense that we aren't dealing with humans and the ability to really think before doing. I learned a hard lesson that got me pretty stressed over the past 24-hours but I have moved on and it's worked out in the long run. Bottom line, think before doing.

The Importance of Remembering Those Who Protect Us

Most people in the U.S. are spending this weekend with family and friends, enjoying each other's company and doing something fun, I know I am. We enjoy our three-day weekends and on these holidays enjoy sharing food, drink, play, togetherness, etc. 

Be sure you include in all of this, a few minutes to reflect on the our military personnel, past and present and how they serve and protect our way of life. Give gratitude in some way (even if it's just a minute of silence) for their bravery, fearlessness and dedication to protecting our great nation. Each war in our history had unsung heroes who may were or never will be publicly recognized, were badly wounded or who died unexpectedly. These brave men and women put their lives on the line in service of our country every hour of the day. It is important to honor their memories and their service.

Giving back is an important part of why we are here. An opportunity exists to help the current crop of war heroes who are coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan maimed and broken in spirit. There are agencies like "Wounded Warriors" who are there to help these brave souls transition their lives to live at peace after experiencing the horrors of war. The same is true for the veterans from the Vietnam War who weren't as fortunate in being received honorably when they came back home. Many are homeless or addicted to drugs and alcohol but again there are now agencies who are reaching out to help these brave men come to terms with their past and move forward. Get involved; do some research on how you can help. And, guess what - your life will change in the process, for the better. 

Collaboration by Difference - Harvard Business Review

Collaboration by Difference - Harvard Business Review

Its Time To be Aware of the Differences in the Generation as It Matters 02/02 by livepassionately | Blog Talk Radio

I was interviewed here - Its Time To be Aware of the Differences in the Generation as It Matters 02/02 by livepassionately | Blog Talk Radio

Mother's Day is This Week

As we all know, Mother's Day is Sunday. There have been many postings on the social media sites to remind us to remember the mother's in our lives as well as articles sharing stories of great mothers. There is a saying that once we become a mother for the first time, we are never the same and I have to agree. My two sons are beautiful men who I am very proud of because of who they became. They are good husbands, fathers (1) and caring men.

My mother was a very unusual mother in that she was ahead of her time in terms of her thinking and beliefs. If she lived today, she would be call a "free spirit". She chose to lead her life how she saw fit, sometimes regardless of how she affected others in some of the decisions she made. I was the only one of her five children who lived with her my developing years and saw a lot and experienced a lot including living in many places, many times with my grandparents. She was an very creative artist who drew pictures and embellished them with jewels and gold paper. We would take walks in nature and cook outside or sleep under the stars in the desert where we lived for many years. If she decided she wanted to go with someone on a trip, we would pick up and go. One summer we lived in Texas and I learned how to milk cows and make buttermilk. One adventure included living in Las Vegas for a few weeks. We would got rock climbing, camping or we just stayed home and she would read to me. I learned some life lessons during these experiences, one being that I had to be more grounded and serious in living my life. I attended many many schools and thank goodness was able to value education and do well.

I lost my mother when I was living in Germany with my husband and oldest son in the early 70s. She had dementia when she died and was a lonely soul. My oldest half-brother was there for her at the end which was a good thing as she didn't have a strong connection with my other siblings. I was disappointed and sad that she never met my children and they never knew her.

She had a wonderful spirit and a kind heart, often giving people clothes and money and taking in stray animals. She was taken advantaged of at times and I saw this which helped form my outlook on life.

Now, I burn a candle for her soul on the holidays so she is with us in spirit. She helped create who I am today and this I am grateful. I will spend some time on Sunday in her memory or in our memory together.

Happy Mothers Day Mother.

Love,
Barbara

Why Great Leaders Are in Short Supply - James S. Rosebush - Harvard Business Review

Why Great Leaders Are in Short Supply - James S. Rosebush - Harvard Business Review

Cleaning Out Clutter

I have a lot of purses, many given to me by family members as gifts. I pulled one out of the closet this week to use and when I opened it, I found all kinds of treasures I haven't seen in over a year, the last time I used it. There were great pens, those little writing tablets you get at tradeshows, some breath mints which I threw out and some old business cards. It got me thinking about clutter and discarding things that don't serve us anymore.

I try to spend about 15 minutes a day sorting through things in my office or bedroom drawers, throwing out or giving away things I don't use or need. It's important that we do this regularly."Why?" you may ask yourself...

Life is a continuous journey of learning and discovery and to keep the flow of energy and possibilities moving , be open  to removing the clutter. Some things block us, making us feel stuck and frustrated. One exercise might be to step back a minute, take a breath, and look at your surroundings that you live and work in. What do you like about the space; what needs refreshing, moved or removed? What needs to change? Look at yourself in the mirror and do a quick assessment of yourself - do I smile enough? am I proud of myself? do I love myself? All good questions to ponder and answer candidly.

There are so many resources at our fingertips now that we can get guidance, answers and good resources to help us clear out the clutter, refresh our lives and outlooks and keeping flowing down our path. What is really cool about all of this - how great we feel after we make our lives simpler and refreshed. Don't you feel great after you see a completed project, a neat space you just organized or cleaned up, or you are taking better care of yourself through healthy lifestyle habits?

Think about a simple process you can put into place to clear out things that don't work anymore.

Rock Solid Leadership Movie

Rock Solid Leadership Movie: Rock Solid Leadership is a little movie sharing the secrets all great leaders live by. Check it out...

Cracking Under Pressure | Canadian Underwriter

Cracking Under Pressure | Canadian Underwriter

Well written article on Stress and how it impacts leaders, managers, their health and well being.

The Richest Man in Town Movie

The Richest Man in Town Movie

Birthdays are Always Worth Celebrating

I just celebrated another birthday on Sunday. Birthdays are important for me and I feel, should be celebrated by everyone on their day of birth. In the bigger scheme of life, we are put on this earth for a purpose. Most people don't know what that is or what's important about it. Those of us who are attuned to higher thinking and spiritual growth understand this and we work on understanding what our purpose is and learning and knowing our strengths. My purpose is to help people discover their significance and their strengths and then help them figure out how to incorporate this into their lives. I like working with business people because business people spend a good deal of their lives in their work so why not figure out how you can love what you do, understand your values and strengths and bring more balance and less stress into your life.

I believe we are born on a day that was meant to be, no coincidences even if your mom had a c-section. From the time we are babies, we are celebrated by our family and friends with cake, parties, cards, etc. As we get older as adults, we tend to discount the importance of celebrating our birthdays and at times, dread having one or we would rather people ignore the day. Isn't it funny by the time people get into our 80s and 90s, we appreciate each year and want to be celebrated. So, if you are one of the many people who chose to ignore your birthday, you do what you have to do but if you think about it, why not honor your day and who you are. Let others celebrate You and acknowledge You. It feels really good and it's human nature to want to be acknowledged and appreciated. Your birthday is a perfect day for allowing that to happen. Life is precious and the more open you are to living it with passion and love, the more likely you will live a longer, healthier life.

Proactive Customer Service

I have to write this blog after experiencing less than stellar customer service at a restaurant we ate and drank at last evening. Mark was so excited about sharing the experience at this new establishment which is beautifully decorated and the food is really good. High end restaurant that is expanding. We started out the evening at the outside bar enjoying a drink and chatting with the corporate person who is in town to make sure this establishment does really well (large space) so they can earn a reputation of being a "must go to/eat here place". He is a professional and it was enjoyable getting to know him. They have been struggling with issues and earning a reputation of being an excellent place to dine and drink. They have another location in South Florida.

Where there is major room for improvement is in how the wait staff treats the customer. The corporate manager escorted us to a small table near the fountain outside. No waiter was assigned to our table and we waited until we grabbed the waiter serving another table to ask for silverware, a menu and some water. We felt like we were an afterthought and for the next 45 minutes we got some of the food we asked to order and waited for another dish and had to ask the bus boy for a menu to order one more item. A waiter never stopped by and introduced himself, the corporate manager didn't grab a waiter and introduce us so consequently we were left to fend for ourselves (that is how I perceived it). Mark does not allow bad service to continue. He asked to speak to the manager who we never were introduced to. The waiter came by and asked what he could do, Mark told him he didn't like his style or lack of service and we didn't want him as our waiter. We decided to leave and asked for the check and decided to leave. Of course the general manager and the corporate manager came out to speak with us and apologize and wouldn't let us pay the bill. And, they were going to speak with the waiter when really they should have looked at themselves, more so the corporate manager.  Pointing fingers is a defense mechanism that is used too frequently by management. Taking responsibility for lack of service starts at the top.

The corporate manager should have introduced us to a waiter, telling him that we were new customers and that I was going to help them be introduced to some key people in the area as that is a strength of mine - connecting people and I know a lot of people in this business community. My intention was to share names of companies who have recently moved into the area who would be excellent referrals as new customers for them. Instead he sat us down and left and at the end of our experience, blamed it on the waiter. The waiter was not proactive. He was serving one other outside table right next to us and never stopped or even acknowledged us.  He could have stopped by our table, introduced himself asking us if someone was helping us and offering to take care of us, making sure we had menus, silverware, etc. While in dialog earlier with the corporate manager, the corporate manager should have introduced us to the general manager so the general manager would know what I had suggested about referral business. Never saw the general manager all evening until the end.

Don't know what the outcome will be going forward with this restaurant. Unless they take responsibility from the top to teach staff about the importance of the customer and what it takes to go beyond just serving food and drink,  they are going to continue to struggle. They could benefit from reviewing their hiring policy and interviewing techniques to find people who exemplify what service is all about.  I wish them well and because of what I experienced will not recommend anyone to their establishment at this point.

Do You Value Your Staff?

I had fun last evening attending a women's networking group that met at the Fort Lauderdale Art Museum which I have not had the pleasure of visiting before. What a really nice place with rooms filled with beautiful pieces of art. One of our tasks was dividing into teams, getting to know each other and then going on a scavenger hunt throughout the museum. Our team (Team #1 - 5 people) engaged each other in conversation, getting to know each other before we headed out on the "hunt". We worked really well together as a team and actually won the contest which involved 10 teams.

Why did we blend so well together and choose to work together as a team on the hunt?  Could have been the blend of our personalities, the common bond we found during our conversations and the fun we had during the hunt.  On our name tags we had to write down a catch-phrase somehow linked to what we do for a living. It was fun guessing what the words meant and laughing in the process as some were really unique. In the end, I met some nice ladies who I will stay in contact with.

Our second exercise for the evening was walking across the street to the Auto National Art Learning Center where we all got to paint or sketch under the guidance of staff teachers. I had fun sketching in charcoal a still life scene of oranges, a pitcher and a bottle. We did this for about an hour and I must say my finished product wasn't too bad. I approached this fun activity knowing I am not an artist and so I just wanted to have fun but create something in the process. A little background music would have been inspiring.

What I want to pass on to others is to have fun in networking situations. Be open to conversation, making sure to ask about the other person/people getting curious of who they are and why they are at the event, etc. If you are entrepreneur, own your own business, are a sales person or anyone who has to find new clients and new connections networking is a necessary part of your job. You might as well figure out how you can leverage networking and more importantly get comfortable doing it. People like doing business with people they like and they trust so what better way to begin a relationship than engaging someone in conversation at a networking event. Golden Rule: never let it be all about you. Networking is easy for extroverts but not so much for introverts.  I am blessed that networking comes naturally for me as I love engaging people and finding out about them. So most of the time I have fun, meet interesting people who sometimes join my circle of influence and become clients or I can introduce them to people they would benefit from meeting.

The Finding Joy Movie

The Finding Joy Movie

Power of Kindness Movie

Power of Kindness Movie: I once heard someone say, "If you teach your children the Golden Rule, you will have left them an incalculable estate." Truer words were never spoken. More than anything, the Golden Rule is about kindness. They improve your relationship with yourself and with others. It's not much in fashion these days to talk about the benefits of kindness, honesty and decency, but the benefits are there and they are valuable and worth the trouble.

Technology is Changing Constantly

I read in USA Today last week about 10 gadgets that are going to be obsolete in 2012 because of the advancement of technology around smart phones and iPads and the like. Some of the gadgets include the flip phone which is really pretty new; DVD players; CDs; netbooks; digital cameras. How are you keeping up with the ever changing times? I am a believer in the new, user-friendly technology but I try to be sensible at the same time. Maybe that is the Baby Boomer in me. As soon as you invest in some version of the smart phone, a newer, faster, fully load version is put on the market. The iPad2 is THE in product right now as well as the iphone4S. My cell phone provider shared with me this week that iPad3 will be released shortly with more dynamic capability around the screen and sound. I am treating myself to an iPad this year and when I get one (to add to my 4G Android phone) I will be content for at least a year to enjoy and learn from them.

The part that worries me the most is parents allowing their small children to have their own smart technology devices to help keep them amused. This can be good but through the lens of just one of the things they need to be exposed to.  Making sure children get out and play outdoors and exposing them to social settings without an electronic devise is so important for their development as little humans into responsible teens and adults, with the skills to interact with others and to be healthy.

There will be great opportunity for techies making a good living working with the older generations on getting comfortable with the new technologies as there is going to be a continuing need in this area.  All this change is here to stay so embrace it and be open to the advances of modern technology that will make your life easier, especially accessing information.